Joyful Diligence?

So this is me. In my natural state. I would sit and rot my life away with a book or sleeping or eating. I do not kid myself that I'm inherently diligent or self-motivating or any such nonsense.

Also, I spend most of my time feeling guilty and beating myself up. Not a fun ride.

Sit. Read. Sit some more. Nap. Feel fat. Need to get up. No, I don't feel like getting up. Sit some more. Feel worse. I'll try again tomorrow.

Wake up. New day! Well, I'm always lazy, so why even try. Thus begins the cycle. Again.

This is life for me. Allow me to confess some sins to you: I'm excruciating lazy and selfish and feel quite entitled to do whatever I want. (Being a SAHM makes for a comfortable breeding ground for these sins.)

But God is a good Dad. He doesn't just sit by and let His children live in the filth they've always known. God is love, and that is not loving.

After some "coincidences" recently, I'm convinced that God wants me to step up and fight to be diligent in all areas of my life. (Yes, this is something that should be a given. For me, it hasn't been. Now, stop judging me.)

So here they are: my goals for 2012. They're big, but I've spent some time writing down how to practically live them out. (Those details would be different for everyone, so I won't give them.)

• Personal: Eat healthy, sleep responsibly and exercise daily.
• Walk with God: Seek satisfaction in God alone and fight for joy.
• Family: Love and serve my family with joy.
• Home: Work diligently, as for the Lord and not my hubby.
• Ministry: Joyfully pour my life out for the women and children I serve. 

Yes. They sound like your average Christian To-do List, but none of these things are easy for me. I have to fight to do them. I want to do them, but I just don't.

Here's to a new year and a hope in God's sufficient grace that produces change.

P.S. Please note that I'm seeking to all of this with joy, another attribute that doesn't come naturally. Like, at all. 

Becoming Mrs. Homemaker

I didn't grow up with a SAHM. Some of my early years, it was just my dad and me. He worked, and I went to school. We ate TV dinners. He took care of the home, inside and out, and I didn't have chores.

When my stepmom came into the picture, she worked, as well. She also went to school in the evening, so I was a latch-key kid for most of my life.

Not all too bad. We didn't have cable, so I watched PBS. That's pretty good stuff right there: Arthur, The Magic School Bus, Sesame Street, Wishbone. I'd still watch those shows if you didn't have to pay to watch them online.

I didn't learn much about homemaking, though. Honestly, I've learned more in the past six years of marriage than in my whole life. My hubby cooked and grocery shopped for the first 5 years of marriage, because I didn't know how to do either, and he did. He'd grown up learning to cook and had lived on his own before we were married. He definitely didn't "go from one mom to another." It was more the other way around.

For the past year I've learned a ton! Before, teaching took up most of my life. It isn't an 8-3 job as some suppose. I worked early, late and on weekends. It was my top priority. Unbiblical? Yes. I know.

Over the past year, working at home has been so liberating and sanctifying. I've grown as a Christian, wife and mom. A few things I've learned:

• Self-discipline
• Patience
• How to Google EVERYTHING!
• Housekeeping
• Couponing
• Cleaning
• Organizing the house, my hubby's life and my own!
• Mowing and weed eating
• Grocery shopping
• Humility
• To take naps if necessary and not be ashamed
• To enjoy every moment with Caleb and the pups
• How to NOT kill plants and flowers
• Baking
• Cooking

Well, this week marked my 28th birthday and also my first home-baked batch of muffins. They're pretty darn delicious, if I do say so myself. Also, they're made with whole wheat flour, applesauce baby food, whey protein, fresh blueberries and the only butter in them is in the crumb topping.

Whole Wheat Blueberry Muffins

So I got a late start in the homemaking business. That's fine. My hubby's happy, and I'm glorifying God in the ordinary. (Trying to, at least.) Sounds perfect to me!

Halved Dryer Sheets--Works for Me Wednesday

Fabric softening dryer sheets are inexpensive. However, it's nice to make something last twice as long. This has worked wonderfully for us.

• Buy a pack of dryer sheets. (I love Publix Free & Clear.) 
• Take a little less than a handful.
• Cut them in half. (I choose to cut them into two squares. Don't think it matters.)
• Use one half per load of clothes in the dryer.

Now, you have twice as many dryer sheets as you paid for!

This post is linked up to WFMW at We are THAT Family.

Mint and Dill and Cumin

I'm not blessed as a chef, but I do know those are herbs. I'm assuming pretty expensive herbs in Jesus' time.

The other night I was thinking of how I've been learning that spiritual disciples are necessary, but they aren't the end-all-be-all of our sanctification. Reading God's Word, communicating with Him through prayer, being poured into and pouring into other Christians are all necessary pieces to walking closely with the Lord. However, they're only some of the pieces.

This is Jesus speaking. “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!" (Matthew 23:23-24 ESV) (Aside: When I read words like these, I wonder how people can think Jesus was just a nice teacher who said fluffy stuff all the time about love and peace and "being a good person.")

I thought of this Scripture when I was thinking about spiritual disciplines. I felt God saying, "You read your bible, go to church, pray, and sing spiritual songs, and you neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness..."

I'm not sure what to do with justice other than pray for the widow, the orphan, and the sojourner. Mercy? Love the ladies God's placed in my life, all my Small Group girls. Love them and be merciful and kind and compassionate with them. Faithfulness? Be a faithful and loving wife and mommy, doing all I can to show my men how much they're loved and appreciated.

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Okay, I began this post a day ago, and now I'm not sure what else I planned to say. So...the end.

Either Ramblings or a List

If I tried to post in paragraph form, I'd ramble. Most likely nothing would make sense to anyone but me, so I'm going to just make a random list of what I think of.

1. Being a mommy is really hard and exhausting.
2. I love nursing. It's the sweetest time for me right now. Well, that and the precious few minutes alone with my hubby before we fall asleep, or Caleb wakes up.
3. Nursing was incredibly difficult at the beginning. I almost gave up, but I'm thankful that my hubby wouldn't let me.
4. God has given us lots of extra grace and physical endurance this past week.
5. Caleb is absolutely perfect.
6. My hubby and I have to laugh a lot, especially when changing and feeding, changing and feeding. Otherwise, we'll go crazy.
7. Newborn poop is weird and gross-looking, but it doesn't stink too bad. Poots, however...
8. We go through onesies and sleeping-outfits like crazy! Old one off-new one on-cue the spit up.
9. My hubby has been a refuge and help to me since we entered the hospital. Now, we're at home, and he's done more for me than I could ever thank him for. I'm scared to be here without him next week, even though others are coming to help.
10. My back hurts a lot and often. Caleb's heavy, and I'm pretty weak. Hope we can order one of those Moby wraps soon. We're poor right now.
11. The house stays disastrous. The kitchen is never caught up. Dishes are either dirty or still in the sink. The floor feels sticky in places, and there are breast pads and random other boob-oriented stuff everywhere!
12. Breast pumps are from the Lord. At least, the Medela "Pump in Style" is. However, it'd be nice if it was hands-free. It takes both my hubby and me to get it situated.
13. The post-partum period so far would have broken me if I didn't have my hubby. He has ideas that I don't think of concerning sleeping and feeding. He researches everything, so that we can make the best idea. He loves Jesus and tells me how he's proud of me and loves me.
14. Formula is not evil and from the devil.
15. Suddenly, it's raining really hard. Nice...

Okay, all that and more are passing through my mind these days. Caleb's snoozing, and I need to clean up a little while I have a minute. Yes, I know I should be sleeping, but it's hard when I see the house this way. Grrr...

The rain has stopped.

The day is brightening up. It's been dreary all morning, and I watched some of Jane Eyre, which is also dreary. Now, it's time to clean our little house, iron, run errands, and think about what to make for supper.

Just spoke to the in-laws. They're taking us to dinner. No cooking for us tonight!

I'm learning to enjoy homemaking. I'm not very good at a lot of things-ironing, working the extensions on the vacuum... However, I enjoy being home and making this place a haven for my hubby. When he comes home from work, he can relax and enjoy his evening without thinking about the house.

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

(Titus 2:3-5 ESV)

Squirrels in the Church Attic

11-12-10 (Computer problems have kept this entry from being published.)

I’m in the K-café at church. I’ve needed to blog for a few days now, but since updating to Snow Leopard, my computer will not pick up Wifi. I just realized that the computer can’t pick up Wifi at church either. It isn’t the Internet but my computer.

This is an example of what I’m struggling with lately. I feel incompetent and stupid and incapable of doing just about anything except teaching and organizing stuff. (In my mind, I should have thought about this before I came all the way to the church to blog.)

I could type out the list of dumb things I’ve done since becoming a homemaker, but that isn’t helpful. When the Apostle Paul commands us not to “keep a record of past wrongs,” I’m going to apply that to our own records, not just others’.

The past two days I’ve been weepier than usual. Hormones attribute a lot of dips to this emotional rollercoaster. At the same time, I’m semi-convinced that hormones only bring out what’s already in my heart. It’s the whole dirty-water-in-a-cup illustration. The hormones haven’t put the dirty water in the cup. It was already there. Circumstances, or in this case hormones, simply thumped the cup, and dirty water came spilling out.

Dirty water may be a strong picture. I haven’t sinned in my sadness. I haven’t forsaken Jesus and sought other lovers. I’ve simply been sad and easily upset and self-pitiful. Hmmm, is that sinful?

Self-pity is a sin or is it a temptation? A temptation to despair? That is a sin, not believing that God is in this situation for my good and His glory. I don’t’ know. I’ve “done the next thing.” I’ve gotten in the Word. I’ve prayed. I’ve cried. I’ve gotten out of the house. I’ve played and sang worship songs as I work at home.

Still, my heart is lowly and sad. My mouth won’t smile. If I didn’t love…No, no, bad theology…If Jesus weren’t holding onto me now, I’d stay in bed all day and do nothing but sleep and cry. I’d sit on the proverbial “pity pot” and make some excuses to my hubby why I’ve done nothing all day.

Going back to the dirty-water-in-a-cup, or rather discolored-water-in-my-cup, what is it? What’s in my heart right now that’s bubbling up from hormones’ sloshing my cup about? Sadness? Loneliness? Fear? Laziness? Uncertainty? Self-pity? All of the above?

I can only say with King David, “My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, ‘Where is your God?’…Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” (Psalm 42:3,5)

Give me grace, Lord. Give me sufficient grace and new-every-morning mercy. I love you.